Close Your Eyes and Imagine This In A Literal Sense

Inspired by the strange thoughts in my head

Going round and round like a cycle full of theories. Walking backwards while my eyes step forward. Drenched in openness --- I see what's best for me, but does best for me see what's for me?

Even when I close my eyes I can still see, smelling your scent like a fiery candle burning in a small bathroom. You're right in front of me, yet seem so invisible. Speak to me and tell me why I can't live inside of you, cry to me and tell me why I can't breathe the air you breathe.

I'm looking for a presence in particular

These are my words. I'm yearning for something real on both ends maybe even a fairy tale. So don't judge me, don't look down on me...I'm searching, let my search be free. Who's life is this? --- The one who dreams, the who blank stares, the one who sings inside, the one who believes beyond what is said...shit the one who is me...its me, so don't judge me, don't belittle me..can I be me, let me be me.

I aspire far too much, I do way too less

Can't make up my mind, scared to do the righteous thing engulfed in the dumbness of the world, insane trying to be numb to the game. Go figure --- my heart quivers, my voice shakes, my eyes rolls. What's going on, things have changed,,,, times aint the same. I'm just tryna live and breath at the same time (even though I know thats impossible). Tryna slips through the cracks before the monster grabs my back. If I blink too long I'll miss the light that beams through the shadows of the night.

...I THOUGHT THE COLD WOULD BE OVER BY SUMMER...

Artistry bleeding out of my pours, wishing they understood me so that they could embrace my love.

Instead of fraying away like a child fears her fathers voice.

Mimicking what is shown...mocking what is heard. They scatter around like raindrops on a window seal...waiting to let loose and join together.

But suddenly the the sun comes about...they dry up like seven day old fruit, packaged up and sealed in with no breath of life, forced to be contained through a man-made system.

I can relate to the thought of you, you can elevate to the power of truth.

Dwell within yourself and speak freedom for the only thing missing is the truth that you have yet to recognize within yourself!

Sorry

I've been afraid to speak my thoughts...

Defeats the Purpose

My energy is defeating the purpose of my reality

I' am yearning for the touch, willing to bring it in but...

Reaching for a hand, some sort of bewildered plan

Connecting the connection...ruling the vibration

Excessively times ten...I think I'm over my limit, what's this feeling...yet still

The return sits in vain...nothing I have gained

Such a figure of speech, his words impeached by the sound of unreality

But no longer shall I wait for reality to defeat my purpose

"Two" Of My Friends

It was like the waves reaching the shore of my heart, It was like the sand drenched in blue watered happy tears. Its was destined, It was God sent!

You were like the sweet sound of my favorite song, you were like the perfect verse to the finest instrumental. You were written in my head!

We were split into two, but made by one. We were joined by a force, and connected by truth. We were genuine, it was real!

I look at you as we dream of a constant fairy tale. Futuristically zoning in the thought of how this world should of been. If these delusions didn't exist, we would sway in the mist of true happiness.

Now we work with the fallow given to us, trying to journey through this scattered graph. Still so elated that we have at least what we have of each other. I am ok, because it still moves me, it still conquers me.

True friendship that is...

The connection between us will stand irreplaceable. It was pierced through my skin, visioned in my eye sight, and pours out of my heart.

This is to "Two" of my Friends....you know who you are!

Lil' Girl Peep

Lil' Girl Peep... to the game, she sweeps the remains, she's free yet again

Lil' Girl Peep... eyes wide shut, everything but, common name , yes born to the same

Lil' Girl Peep... understands the few, acknowledges the hidden, becomes less giving

Lil' Girl Peep... freezes the untold, magnifies the lies, and drifts in the truth

Funny the unknown...bridges the war zone...in their eyes compliments us all, said Lil' Girl Peep

White words on white paper...black lies on black lines, said Lil' Girl Peep

Prehistoric records...love in nonexistence...pressured life, said Lil' Girl Peep

*Drowning in temptation

*Dying in uncertainty

*Floating in a lack of capability....

Ramble

Wow the unnecessary monthly intervals between posting is ridiculous on my behalf (for those who genuinely care) I am sorry!lol

Its just that being in this state of mind will take me off into a land that sometimes I feel I can only relate to, and unfortunately being apart of the world (as in who the world has put in my life) makes this kind of thing a bit tricky to separate when it comes to soaking into the mindstate. Therefore, I am not the one to blame...so just blame the structure of this world..its a sad sad place! But I will never disown my truth

Anywho lets see how my thoughts will unwind today...

Recently there have been a few junctions that have taken the place of absence in my life.

Yeah, kind of hard to explain, and why should I?!

Ive had many epiphany's lately, realizing the strength of what knowledge bestows, and the limitless notion of "knowing" (is "knowing" a notion?)

I can only dream about how life was supposed to be, and I can only continue to live and see how it ends up to be.

I've been having these weird dreams..when I awake i feel extremely out of place! Im trying to figure out what is really going on...but I have not a clue where to start...being that I cant remember one thing about my dream...just that it was very abnormal (the least way to explain it).

Well that is all for right now...we'll chat later...enjoy

Love, Me

Off on a Tangent

Off on a tangent... I just exploded, and it was the closest thing to being alive

Off on a tangent... this feeling..I gotta have it....eternity

Off on a tangent... defying gravity..standing still, concentrating, never hesitating

Off on a tangent... freak of nature, surpassing the average, thinking lightly....heavily

Off on a tangent... cant stop the auction..I give you this...you give me that

Off on a tangent... if only forever...

Off on a tangent...and I can't be closer

Off on a tangent........

Just off on a tangent

What caused this? Rhetorical

Quote of the Day

"I sat there and watched my heart gasp for air...and at the very last minute, I decided to take back what you stole from me...My LOVE!"

Seeking for an Answer

My life revolves around Love, especially the love of music. But we'll talk about music later. Being intellectually infatuated and influenced by what love offers and gives as the power of truth, beauty and freedom of your emotions takes my mind to another planet (run-on sentence lol). But I cant understand for the life of me why something so strong and powerful doesn't have an on and off button. Some people dwell and fantasize over certain things that intrigue them because it sparks a nerve in their body and forces them to haunt for an answer. Well that is how I feel about Love. I think that maybe If Love were to truly and wholeheartedly fly my way, if love were to launch me over its wings, maybe I wouldnt have so many questions. I can assure you that I don't doubt love, but instead I journey the science of Love and why we have no control over it! Or do we?

NEW YORK

I was happy the day when I finally got away, I didnt realize that I didnt even reconize the lack of care. Essay full of text messages, flower glass full of tears, and a stab wound pierced to my heart, was all a memory. I slowly drifted into a new profound way of living when I reached the other side of the world. Living spontaneously, breathing lifelessly, eating everything, going places beyond my dreams. I was on a train and my destination was the best thing that had ever happened to me! Indie, House, Electronica, Reggae, hip hop is just a little sample of what hit my ear waves when I touched into their scenery. Club full of diversity, passion full of destiny. But was it for real, or was it for now? Well as time went by, the madness of the snow was eventually drencehed in salt, and the sun shined through and helped the salt out, then out of nowhere cleared the snow away. 100 degree weather, beaming city lights, open toe high heels, skimpy shorts, out all night, barbque patio’s...SUMMER was finally here! Can we say amazing! Six in the morning, every morning, plethora of concerts, fesitival here, beach there. Walking blocks and blocks, running out of money. Trade show here, Event there! Beef patties, Curry Chicken, Stew Chicken, Dallas bbq, Famous Daves, Crab, was the least my hungry tummy could handle. In the beginning I had to weed out the grumpy frumpy, and select the ones that were more worth the “WHILE”! So I met this guy named unknown, this other guy named presentation, another guy named “so whats good”, too many to choose from, so I chose none. Talking through walls, sharing bathrooms, living with strangers. But most of all, it was the torture of living with Theadore and Rosevelt! The two smartest mice that has ever creeped the planet! They rejected my cheese, laughed at my peanut butter, and somehow seemed to glide right over my sticky paper. I had enough when they whispered to me in my sleep “we’re here to kill you...leave now!” , crying hysterically, I slowly reverted back to what I thought was such a bore...HOUSTON! Quote on quote...”we dont have mice in houston”, “i cant do this anymore, im moving back to houston”, “my life is over, i cant live with mice”, “someone please rescue me, im crying hysterically”. These were all of the chants that took over my life as I discovered that I lived in a freakin rat infested slum hole, and I needed to move asap! It didnt look as bad as it was...but it never really does. I couldnt eat, sleep, nor talk...I was always waiting to hear a sound from their awful footsteps! So one day I had enough..I moved.... yes im a whimp---THE END

FREEDOM!

The past has been a blur

But the sun sure shined above

Peeling the scars away, brushing the frown to fade

Oh how things have changed

I have crumbled in a corner, I have laid under

Now I rise to the occasion, I am bold and vivacious

Been down, been around, stood up, shouted out, figured out...

Life's what you make it, you cant break it

I begin to mold my pieces together, fringe into my skin

Decline my non-native being

Freedom is the truth, the power of it exudes

Find yourself within your freedom, its lingering as you speak it

Close your eyes and dream, awake and do more than believe

I am too a victim of a lack of realization, but now I stand and it is my motivation

Don't fall behind, don't fall in line

I shall not lead nor follow

I am free to be free...whatever that may be!

Love, Me

NERVOUS

Very nervous today, I had to do a speech today in class. Don't you hate it when your so nervous, your hands shake, heart pounding..staggered smile...sweaty palms...stumblingly voice! I hate it...I mean not the speaking part, but being nervous! Something that you cant control..I cant stand not being able to control the "nervous system"!HA

YAY! My weekend has finally started. Totally stoked dude! =)

I want to hang with a good friend of mine this weekend, but thats only if she has time for me. I haven't seen her in ages! We talk almost everyday AND we stay in the same darn city..but its been a ruckus trying to meet up with her! What a shame (yes Brittany i'm talking about you)...

OH MY GOSH!!! I just received the greatest news of my life...we'll talk soon

Bye for now

Love, Me

Out of the Blue

"Birds flying high, you know how I feel, sun in the sky, you know how I feel"

Thats just a little Michael Buble' for those who don't know! I love this guy, he's amazing! I mean his voice is made to stir up a Catalina wine mixer...(well a Catalina wine mixer in my head) I just want to take someone by the hand and dance this lifetime away!

Okay a little dramatic..I know. But I must say... Moulin Rouge best movie of all time! Lets all take a moment to remember....

Minutes later

Im in a daze right now....

I started listening to Toni Braxton (ahhhh) words cant even express how much I love her! She puts me in a unexplainable mood...I feel myself drift as I lay in the melody of her voice. Its so pure and subtle...yet vivacious and deep.

As you can see Im on a random musical mix while riding the train. Almost to my destination, so I'll chat later as I tune to Van Hunt.

Bye for now...

Love, Me

HELLO:GOODBYE

HELLO AND GOODBYE IS AS QUICK AS IT WENT

STOLE MY PRIZE POSSESSION, WITH MINUTES TO SPARE

LOCKED EYES, NO SURPRISE...HE LOOKS PRETTY DAMN DIVINE

I LOVE THE WAY HIS VOICE MAKES MY HEART TREMBLE, THE WAY HE MAKES MY STOMACH TICKLE

NOT SHY OF SPEAKING THE TRUTH, IN ONE DAY YOU'LL LEARN MORE THAN THE EYE CAN PROVE

ITS JUST ONE THING, ITS ALL A DREAM AND NOW ITS GONE

CAN YOU BELIEVE...IT SEEMED SO REAL, THE WAY HIS AURA TOUCHED MY SKIN

I COULD SWEAR OUR BODIES TOUCHED WITHIN

I MEAN SOUL TO SOUL, FELT JUST LIKE HOME

HELLO AND GOODBYE IS AS QUICK AS IT WENT!

Love, Me

Your Such A Bore

Ok its Jan. 27...which means everyday a baby is born, soooo HAPPY BIRTHDAY (who ever you are)...

RANDOM..I know

Back to life...So today I shouted out all the "Grandmothers of the World" I gave them a piece of what I thought was admirable.....my granny glasses. lol

Now lets see...on the other spectrum

of things Ive decided to take someone up on their offer. Yea we'll see how that goes! Believe me, Im in doubt...but whats life without a little doubt (in my Einstein voice) Ah Ha!

Anywho currently tuning to Maroon 5! Oh and Kings of Leon are one of the GrEaTeST they really make my heart soar out of my chest and back! But back to Maroony 5...because its getting harder to breathe (I know you saw that coming) Ha!

Just made it home...Oh My am I tired..not sleepy...but tired! So Im off to do the usual and I'll get back to you in a bit. I have a few words that want to stop by and say HELLO later!

Bye for now.....

Love ,Me

Foolish but Lovely Day

So today is going freggedy good other than the fact that I had an 8:30am class that ended at 9:45am and now I am unfortunately stuck downtown until my twin gets off of work...(5pm that is)! Not to mention that I ordered a batch of stir fry from the school cafeteria....it was unexplainably disgusting! It had water chesnuts (gross), mini corn on the cob (huh), huge RED peppers (eww), broccoli (YUM), rice, onions, and a soggy egg roll attached...oh yea and some other stuff that I cant quite explain. See for yourself...

And to top it all off...for some odd reason my BuM hurts....(dont get any idea's)! Ha.

Other than that Ive had a pretty swell day, it consisted of:

Going to the book store

Going to Forever 21 (just took a browse)

Took the train to twin's job

Currently sitting in the break room (4:47pm)

BUMMER!

Love, Me

NU NU

Spaghetti dreams, candy colored lights...which color am I? Bright, sparkly, juicy orange controls the thoughts in my head, I smile ear to ear as I embark on this new journey! YAY me, maybe its time to put those lost ones aside. Butterflies soar through my tummy trying to find every which way to make me uncomfortable. If only it knew, those days are all gone....SO LONG!

Love, Me

Simply Beautiful

"Kaleidoscope"

You cut me out in little stars

and place me in the sky.

I lose my sense of time

You know me

How troubled I can be

but through your kaleidoscope

I let go.

Cuz you show me

the world as it could be

through your kaleidoscope

it's beautiful

A tingle travels up my spine

a cluster of colors and twine

as we melt into wine

You know me

How troubled I can be

but through your kaleidoscope

I let go

Cuz you show me

the world as it could be

through your kaleidoscope

it's beautiful

Kate Havnevik

Can't Keep My Eyes Off Of You...

This video is uber amazing! It squeezes the life out of unborn fashion, and of the way you portray it. I cant help but to fall into a deep dream as I watch the intensity of the girls eyes as they make my dreams come true!

Maybe i'm over exaggerating a lil...but see for yourself lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8OQcbco2WU

UNCONSCIOUS

Burn my heart in your unconscious words I was here when you needed me. But I stand alone and you're the only road I see. You pass me up like a shadow on a sun-faced building. I think you care but when you talk its only a blank stare...purposely saying less....willingly not alive for what I have to give. La La La! Yea you sing the perfect song and that is why they love you...but somehow I keep the physical at bay never cable of going astray. I try to lose sight of the pressure this love thing has surrounded my life with. I want to just get on with getting on with it. Yes this is life, but the life you know is not the life I now know. I cant find the way to hold you up and keep you taut. And everyday another notion of "not him" calls out to me! Ive realized that I've mixed the worldly deceptions...and ventured off into a world that wasn't originally designed for me. I have to keep my imaginary stationary and deeper galastic dreams behind the face of a broken heart...because I now know that I cant mix the two. Two being us!

Quote of the Day

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel!

Quote of the Day

I guess I'll see you in my nightmares, because that's the only place you belong!!!

Im Floating, and Drifting

Sleepless 24 hours of searching for the sky to send its sweet poisoned sound my way. I lay in the sand of a thousand grains...and yet I still search for that one special one. It hides in a cave of broken dreams, but all I have to do is dust it free. Happiness is the only set free, you wouldn't recognize me if you tried, im all covered in the new Love brought for me.

Love, Me

Marching Musical Marathon

just a list of music that sits close to the beat of my heart.....so drift off and enjoy!

• Sade: Soul Jazz, R&B, Soft rock, Adult Contemporary
• 
  
• Imogen Heap: Electronica, Alternative, Indie, Pop, Ambient
• 
  
• Kate Havnevik: Electronica, Alternative, Pop
• 
  
• Natalie Walker: Electronic, Trip hop, Pop, Indie rock
• 
  
• Feist: Anti-folk, Baroque pop
• 
  
• Enya: New Age, Celtic
• 
  
• Kate Nash: Indie pop
• 
  
• Lily Allen: Pop, Pop rock, Ska, Electropop, grime
• 
  
• Ludovico: Pianoist
• 
  
• Frou, Frou: Ambient, Electronica,Downtempo, Indietronica
• 
  
• Coldplay: Alternative Rock

FYI: cant put them all down we'd be here for days (literally)

Flippin' FASHION Fantastic!!!

CAUTION: You Will Be Amazed

Ok I'm a ViNtAGe Freakazoid....only I CANT totally afford it right now....but my sun shines bright on the idea! If you're anything like me you must visit this website!!! Go to www.shopnastygal.com...you cant deny the feeling.... pure awesomery! Here are some of my FAVS

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Color me happy, scribble me a mess..those are the two I’d be with or without you. So take my hand and play this game like it should be. With sweethearts and honest cries of passion. Join this sanction with the trouble it comes with, but also with true peace it brings to your life. We trust that this is real...so begin to do as you say and not how other sinners play. This shall be the days of our lives, bring in your love and I will do the same.

Love, ME